Duck Duck Cougar?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
