but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
