1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
