Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
