I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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