i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
