i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
