White coat. Heels.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
