Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
