I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize