You just made me feel so damn special
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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