a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
