I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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