Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
