I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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