And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
