You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
