...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
