please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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