If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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