last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
