I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize