May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
