he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
