I just threw up on my dentist
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
