I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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