I'm jealous of your bromance
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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