This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
