my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
