I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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