if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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