I'm really into asian looking animals
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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