A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
