is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
