Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
