so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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