If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
