im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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