If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
