idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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