"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
