So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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