dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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