Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
