Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
