Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
