Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize