You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
