also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
