woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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