i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize