Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
