Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
