What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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