I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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