yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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