Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
