i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
