That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
