there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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