I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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