but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
