I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
