I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My butt remains clenched, sir.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
