Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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