You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
