My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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