so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
