dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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