um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
