After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
